Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before stumbling. Proverbs 16:18 (NASB)

There are days when I wish I could get a “do-over”.  I’m sure you probably know what I mean – the kind of day when you start out wrong, and it all goes downhill from there.  Often when I have those kinds of days, it often as a result of my feeling of pride – though the results are never something I am proud of.  I get into this mind-set that I have done so well, I can keep doing it on my own power.  The reality is, when I do well, it’s never by my own strength.  I don’t do well because I “resolve” to do well – my resolve always waivers.  I do well when I let God work through me.

This morning was one of those mornings when I wish I could have a do-over.  I don’t know if it was a result of being over-tired, being frustrated, or a combination of both.  Regardless, I handled things badly this morning.  I’d just been telling a couple of people earlier this week how well it had been going with me and my kids – how we hadn’t really had any shouting matches, how we were handling things much better, etc.  Then this morning comes – and I fall apart.  I lost it over nothing really.  I yelled at one daughter for running behind and not being responsible, and basically acted like a spoiled brat who wasn’t getting her way.  I yelled at both of my daughters for yelling at each other.  (I know, great example I am setting, right?)  I yelled at both for being rude and irresponsible.   And I did all this in the course of about 15 minutes.

And afterward, I felt small.  I felt like a failure.  I feel like a failure.  I want so badly to get it right, but I just keep messing it up.  And in the end, what ran through my mind, what whispered in my ear was, “Pride goes before destruction.”  Yep, that’s about right.  My pride definitely brought destruction.  It brought destruction of the peace in our home.  It brought angry words and destroyed my ability to communicate effectively with my kids.  It destroyed my well-being – bringing me to a place of tears, pain and regret.

Proverbs 18:6 & 7 says, “A fool’s lips bring strife, And his mouth calls for blows.  A fool’s mouth is his ruin, And his lips are the snare of his soul.” (NASB)

Those were hard words to read this morning.  I didn’t want to admit that I had been foolish, but I had.  My words were my ruin this morning.  And sometimes I wonder if they will always be my ruin, if I’ll ever learn.  I feel like, I take 3 steps forward to take 2 steps back.  But I read something this morning that gives me hope.  Lisa Terkeurst writes in her book, Unglued, the following:

“Imperfect changes are slow steps of progress wrapped in grace….imperfect progress.”

She goes on to share an entry from her journal that talks about how it’s OK to have setbacks and need do-overs.  What struck me was that she used the exact word I had been wishing for, “do-over.”  It’s like God spoke to me in that moment and said, “Karen, I know that you’re hurting, and your heart is in pain.  I know that you wish you had done differently.  I know that you feel like a failure.  But Karen, it’s OK to make mistakes.  You’re human.  What’s important is that you learn from those mistakes.  Keep moving forward.  Don’t give up.”

And in that moment, I had hope.  I had hope that just because I keep messing up, doesn’t mean I am not making progress.  Just because I’m not getting there in the time frame I wish I could, doesn’t mean I will stay in this same spot.  I need to keep getting back up and keep trying.  It doesn’t make it OK that this scene happened this morning.  I still need to deal with whatever comes from that and make things right with my kids.  But I don’t need to dwell there with that mistake.

Do you have times when you wish you could have a do-over?  Do you sometimes get frustrated and feel like everything is falling apart?  Do you struggle with this too?  I would love to hear what you do in these moments and how you have made progress.  Share in the comments below.

~Until Next Time!

Karen Signature

  1. horsez1996 says:

    I like what you wrote. I can’t like it because like is loading? strange. My computer doesn’t like your site.

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