Random Thoughts

Posted: December 11, 2010 in Christianity, Miscellaneous, Thoughts

So, I feel the need to write.  Not a feeling of “I should write” or “I want to write,” but a feeling of “I need to write.”  It’s almost like that gnawing hunger that comes when you haven’t eaten for a while, and your body is protesting because it needs to have that food that you have deprived it of.  Almost like your stomach is going to turn inside out if you don’t put something into it soon.  That’s the feeling I’m talking about.

Today has not been the best day of my life.  It hasn’t been the worst, but it definitely hasn’t been the best.  Oh it started out like a normal Saturday, get up, shower, read my Bible, do my lesson for Sunday School, do laundry.  But today, I had to take my daughter to the eye doctor.  This was not something I had planned – in fact I made the appoitnment just this morning.  See, my daughter, Ashley, broke her glasses earlier this week, and I had to replace them. 

So, I made the appointment.  Then I found out my other daughter, Kayli, had a service project her Bible Fellowship Class was doing today, and so I worked it out so that I could take her.  And that’s when my day fell apart – and apparently so did I.  I had a good idea of where I was going up until the very last portion of the trip, when I was going down a road in the opposite direction from where I was used to.  And I got lost.  Oh, I found the house # ok, but I couldn’t figure out where the house was (I saw a couple of different places, and I couldn’t figure out which was the correct one), and I got very frustrated very quickly – especially because by this point, I only had 15 minutes to get my Ashley to the eye doctor. 

I called the lady in charge, and she told me to go left and it was the next house I came to – only I did not come to a house, so I was very confused.  So, I had Kayli call her to talk to her – and we got her situated finally – but now I only had 5 minutes until Ashley’s appointment.  So, I took off toward what I hoped was the right direction (it was).  But I just kept hitting light after light and getting behind cars that weren’t in such a big hurry as I was.  So, instead of taking a deep breath and just doing the best I could, I found myself yelling at God to just please help me out a little, and asking Him why He wouldn’t do so.  Stupid, I know – I mean as if being 5 minutes late to the appointment was worth crying over.  But I was so frustrated, and it just seemed like everything was going wrong.  It wasn’t God’s fault I was late – I mean I probably should have given myself more time, and perhaps I missed something in the directions I was given.  But instead of seeing my part in this, all I could see was that it seemed like God didn’t care.

And then, the cost of the glasses came out to $55 more than what I was anticipating having to pay – and while I only had to pay a portion today, what I paid took almost half of what I had left until I get paid.  And even though it was my own fault because I didn’t put my foot down – I blamed it on my daughter for selecting one of the more expensive frames even after I had told the lady that it was a bit out of my price range. 

So, now, here I sit, saddened by the fact that once again, I blew it.  And I’m not talking about the not saying no part.  I’m taking about the blame part.  Here I was placing blame on others – not part of the blame, but the whole blame – when I was at least partially responsible.  I blamed God, I blamed my daughters,  but I didn’t really blame myself – at least not outwardly.  And I’m afraid that the tone of my voice, and some of the words that came out were not even close to exemplary. 

This brings me to the point I want to make.  In my Bible Fellowship Class, we have been studying the book of James.  James has a lot to say about the tongue, wisdom, and how we are to treat others.  One of the things we talked about this past Sunday was how we could live out our faith through our works in the way that we went about our daily lives.  And I realized in the past few minutes, that if someone were to try to convict me of being a Christian based only on my actions between 12:30 and 3:30, there would not be even close to enough evidence.  And my heart hurts because of that realization because I know that more often than I would like – that’s the face I show.  And I know that I blew it – not for myself – but I blew it in pleasing God.

So, what do I do now?  This is a rhetorical question of course because I know exactly what I need to do.  I need to confess it – to my daughters, to God, and even to myself.  Then I need to ask forgiveness – and then turn around and do the opposite of what I was doing earlier.  And I know I will be forgiven – at least by God.  How?  Because I have a promise from His Word.  1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  Based on this verse – among many – I know that God forgives me.

What about you – have you had a day like today where you just blew it, and you know you blew it?  Do you feel like a piece of dirt on someone’s shoe now because you know in your heart you behaved wrongly?  You too can have forgiveness.  All you have to do is confess and repent.  You can claim this same promise.  God will forgive you – you have only to ask.

God Bless!

Karen

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